I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
