we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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