JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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