an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
