the condom got lost in my hair
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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