i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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