We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
