I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
