You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
