He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
