there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am one with the molecules
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
