She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
