Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
