I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
