did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Duck Duck Cougar?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
