I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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