eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
