Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
