he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
operation have a gay friend backfired
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think your dad took our porno
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
