her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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