My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm like, not good at living.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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