i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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