mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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