a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
