I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
