In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
