I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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