u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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