He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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