16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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