did you get engaged???
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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