i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
