Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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