Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
