She is in my trunk
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
