I'm pants shitting drunk right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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