Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
