I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
