Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
