i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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