yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
