You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
