The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
