He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
