how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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