Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
