Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
