the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
