fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
