if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
