I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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