home. puking in laundry basket.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
