I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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