so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
