So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
