I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
