Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
