The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
