k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
