i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
