I look better un-naked...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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