Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
