I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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