theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
