what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
