What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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