No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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