Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
