Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
