Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
