also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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